4 Kids?!

Okay. Time for a post that's a bit more than 'hey - we did this - it was fun - look at these pictures!' I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for those posts :), this just isn't one of them. I'm not really sure, where I'm going with this post...but I had these pictures that I wanted to use, and all I could think about when I looked at them was:

"I have 4 kids. How in the heck do I have 4 kids?!?!?"

To be honest, I don't think a day goes by without that thought crossing my mind at least once.

We all have certain expectations of how our lives will turn out. Many of those things will change over time, and some are under our control and some are not. But, regardless, we have hopes and dreams and expectations and visions of our future.

Josh and I always knew we wanted children, and we thought 2 would be perfect. We knew they'd be a part of our life either biologically or through adoption or through any other means necessary.

In my twenties, I didn't know anything about fertility issues (learned about this heartache from many dear friends) or miscarriages (experienced one between Madison and the boys). I didn't even know what it meant to be a parent or how it'd feel to be a Mother.

Either way, we were naive and just planned on being a happy little family of 4.

And...instead we are happy not-so-little family of 6.

(Not the best, but the most recent, picture of the 6 of us.)

Life with 4 kids, three of which are the trio, can be certainly be hectic and stressful and li'l crazy sometimes. There are days where I count down the minutes to bed time. There are days I don't think I'll survive another minute. There are days when I feel like I'm failing them, and I question myself and the reason why we have 4 children.

I NEVER EVER thought I'd have 4 children. EVER.
(I also NEVER EVER thought I'd love a minivan - but that could be another post, too. lol.)

And yet - here they are. And, I can't imagine living one second without any of them.

They make me want to pull out my hair and run away sometimes. They confuse me and test my patience and limits almost daily.

But they have also filled my heart with more love than I can describe. Their smiles and laughter make any sadness that's invading my heart fade away immediately. They are my life and I'm SO SO SO thankful they are mine.

"I have 4 kids. How in the heck do I have 4 kids?!?!?"