Mommy's Turn to CIO

I have a confession.

I like cuddling/walking/rocking my babe to sleep.

I stare down at her beautiful little face while she so peacefully enters dream land, sometimes smiling, sometimes furrowing her eyebrows, sometimes cuddling more into my shoulder or chest, sometimes with her mouth open...you get the idea. I study her face, the shape of her eyes and mouth, and I silently tell her how wonderful she is, and how smart she'll be, and how her Daddy and I will always be there for her, and I dream with her about all the things she'll experience in life and how we will do anything and everything to ensure she has a happy and healthy.

Well, let me re-phrase. I like that moment at 8pm, when it lasts about 10 minutes or so...not so much at 1, 2, 3, or 4 in the morning...then, I'm thinking other things and it lasts much longer than 10 minutes.

I've been weak these past few weeks.

And, I've paid for it the past couple nights when all M wanted to do was to sleep on my chest while I held her. The other night we were up 2 hours (3:30-5:30am), me holding her, her falling asleep, me putting her in her crib, her waking immediately, and repeat. (For whatever reason, she goes down great for naps and at her bedtime...it's just that pesky middle of the night waking that's getting us, and I don't want it to progress....)

After all the work we did to help Madison learn to sleep in her crib AND to fall asleep on her own, I've started to regress. Yes, I say ME. I've given in too easily. I know she knows how to fall asleep on her own, because some nights she sleeps 11 hours straight.

She looks so innocent here...

Seeing this picture reminds me I should remove her crib mobile...little baby growing up so fast!

So, for the past few nights, we've had to let her fuss after her feeding until she falls back asleep. I don't know why I've saying "we." It should be "I." Somehow Josh manages to sleep through her fussing (so he says) while I'm slowing dying inside while attempting to send her sleepy thoughts and silently begging for her to just give in and to forgive Mommy for ignoring her pathetic cries.

It's sad. But, I know it's what's best for her. Sunday and Monday she fussed for about 30 minutes before finally falling asleep.

But, last night, it was only 5 minutes.

Thank goodness!

Unusual Day

To start: A video of Miss M rockin' and (not) rollin'

Today we had what I would consider a fantastic - ideal - out of the ordinary - probably never gonna happen again - kind of day. :) (Minus the fact that Josh wasn't with us.)

6:30am: She woke up and Daddy got to hold her and cuddle for a few minutes. Then I nursed her, and I laid her back down. I watched her play and try to crawl for 10-15 minutes in her crib, and then she went back to sleep (yay) so I had time to shower, start laundry, and eat breakfast. Wohoo!

8am: She woke up. ADT guy is here, so we followed him around and try to pretend we know what he's talking about as he's explaining stuff...

8:20am: She gets an impromptu bath once I realized some of her spit up from earlier this morning got in her hair and is crusty...ewww...sorry M! I did nurse her in the dark...so cut me some slack. After her bath, she played in her activity center while I picked up the house.

9am: I fed her cereal.

9:15am: Play time on the floor (gotta work on getting that crawling down!) I was able to finish laundry, load dishwasher, organize my day,, make shopping list, order a couple things on-line, FB, check email, etc.

10:15am: I went to Walmart, returned home, AND got everything unloaded, AND got a few quick things done down in the office, while she napped the WHOLE time in her car seat!

Noon: I scarfed down some lunch while M played.

12:15pm: I nursed her.

1pm: M ate some carrots

1:2opm: Madison played in her jumper for a bit (maybe for 20 minutes) while I worked in the office...once she's bored of that, it's more play time upstairs, we sang songs, I tickled her, we sent Daddy a picture of M playing, I watched some dvr'd show...the usual...

3pm-4:15pm She napped...the whole time. This is SO unusual for her to take such a long afternoon nap! I watched a bit of Oprah (10 minutes), thought about going down to walk on the treadmill, and ended up working down in the office instead.

4:15pm: I nursed her.

4:45pm: M and I played on the floor, read books, watched the dogs act crazy, watched the rest of the Oprah that I dvr'd, I started my post, decided what to cook heat up for dinner for Josh later...

6:15pm: Mmm.... Rice w/apple cereal for M!

6:30 pm: Normally, this is M's "iffy-crabby time," but I worked on this post for a bit while she played in her walker in the kitchen...she got antsy, so I carried and danced with her for a while, then I threw placed her in her activity center with Sesame Street on, so I can work on this post more. That lasted for about 5 minutes...

7pm: Ok, she's tired of entertaining herself. I abandon my blog post, and work on entertaining her for. We watch the doggies more, I let her pet Winky, let Winky lick her hands (they both LOVE this), immediately wash her hands, dance with her some more, bounce her on my lap, make funny faces in the mirror, check my phone every 5 minutes to see how long before Josh gets home, the usual...

7:50pm: Josh gets home! Yay! Baby and Daddy time for a few minutes, then I nurse her for the final time today.

8:30pm Lay my sleepy girl in her crib...night night!

NOW: Dinner for me and finishing this post, followed by some Bachelor on TV!

To Clarify: I am VERY thankful to be a stay-at-home Mommy, and I do value ALL my days with M...usually...haha...

She is changing and learning so many new things SO quickly! If I don't record this somewhere, I feel like I'll forget it! Just today, I realized how much she likes playing "peek-a-boo."

I just forgot something else about her that I wanted to record...geesh...oh yeah, oh yeah...she's found her thumbs, and I've caught her sucking her thumb briefly a few times this last week...as much as it annoys me...it's also annoyingly cute...I've been trying to catch a picture of it, so we'll see...ok, gotta go and spend some time with the husband!

Updates!

So, I guess it's time for a real post, and not just a picture. :)

*SLEEP TRAINING

So far, Madison and I have stuck to our NY's resolution (probably the first time I've ever followed through with a NY resolution). Since January 1, she has done ALL her night time sleeping in her crib, and all naps (when we are home) in her crib. Now, don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy. Oh, no, no, no...and we are still working on it and having good days and not as good days. I still have days and nights of extreme guilt, too. I'm hoping that goes away someday, but I'm not counting on it.

-Night Time Sleep

Until a few nights ago, she was sleeping for 8-10 hours straight once she fell asleep. She'd wake to be nursed, and go back down for another 1.5 - 2 hours before getting up for the day. However, it took her about 30-45 minutes of crying (and us checking in on her) before falling asleep at bed time. I knew she was fine and the end result was sleeping, but I just felt that 30-45 minutes of crying every night was TOO much (for me and for her). We were putting her down around 8:30pm. I finally determined that we were putting her down too late and she was over tired, leading to so much crying. She would basically fall asleep nursing and then of course would be ticked when I moved her (which makes sense) to her crib.

We had been trying to keep her up later so she could have wake time with Daddy once he got home from work...but, we knew we had to do what's best for Madison, so for the last couple weeks I've been working our way up earlier and our new goal is to start her last feeding around 7:30pm, so she can be in her crib by 7:45pm. It makes Josh sad to not see his baby girl some evenings, but it's what's best.

Such a Daddy's girl!

With the earlier bedtime, there is substantially less crying (probably closer to 10-20 minutes), BUT, of course that means an earlier wake time, and now we are working on adjusting her nap times. *sigh*

For the last 3 nights, she's been waking up after only 4-6 hours. I listen to her fuss for 5-10 minutes to see if she'll fall back asleep, but she hasn't been, so, I nurse and her she goes back down immediately with 5 minutes max. of fussing, and sleeps until morning. I'm not sure why there's been a shift? I'm wondering if she's having a growth spurt? We are feeding her cereal at night, but have been doing so all month. I had to skip one night earlier this week and that was the night she woke up earlier than usual. But, we haven't skipped cereal since. I am trying to really make sure she's nursing as long as she wants during the day, hoping to increase her daily calorie intake and get her back to sleeping a bit longer before waking up. It's so hard to know if she's starting to wake up to nurse from habit or from hunger or just to see me. I certainly do not want to deny her if she's hungry!!! Josh has been out of town this week, but he's back, so I think if she does it again tonight, I will have him check in on her (since she won't associate him with a feeding) before going in to nurse her. I know it's normal to feed her once during the night still, so I'm not upset with getting up, just more curious about why the shift.

She wakes up SO happy. I feel like she's telling me, "See, Mom. I'm ok. I won't hate you forever for making me learn to sleep on my own."

-Naps

Ugh. Naps. The good news, she usually only fusses for 5 minutes or less before falling asleep for her naps. The bad news...they are so inconsistent! Sometimes she sleeps for 30 minutes, making for a long crabby day, sometimes an hour and a half. I recently added dark (ugly) curtains to her room, and that has seem to help increase her napping time. Her room was pretty bright even with the blinds closed during the day.

*BEDTIME ROUTINE

Every night we have some quiet play, snuggling, naked time on her soft Winnie the Pooh blanket. We dim the lights. She gets lotioned up and changed into her pjs. (She gets a bath every other night to start her bedtime routine.)

*PACIFIER

No more pacifier for Madi. We never gave her one once we started sleep training. So, we don't plan on giving her one anymore. She was never really that into them anyways and doesn't seem to miss them.

*NURSING

I'm happy that Madison is still nursing. She eats 5 times a day, and has one serving of cereal in the evenings. I'm hoping that by 6 months, we'll get her to drop her middle of the night feeding...but, we'll see. You all know my chubby girl likes to eat! :)

I've started pumping and freezing my milk when I get a chance. We still haven't decided when we'll stop breastfeeding. That's a whole new topic to post on sometime.

Most of you know how scheduled I am, how I thrive on order and consistency. Miss Madison has definitely challenged me (which is a good thing). I have accepted to just be flexible, and that there are days that won't go as I had planned and that everything will be ok. To not get so caught up on her nursing and napping at the exact times I have planned for her.

If I feel myself getting anxious, I just remind myself to enjoy each and every moment with her, 'cause they are flying by and she's growing up SO quickly!

CIO Update

Well, we're surviving!

Madison seems to be doing well sleeping in her crib through the night. Two nights ago, and last night she's gone down at bedtime, around 9pm-ish with 5 minutes or less of crying. :) She's slept straight through until 4am-ish, which is when she normally wakes to be fed. After her feeding, she's gone back to sleep with 5 minutes or less of crying until 8:30am-ish, which is when she normally wakes up for the day. THANK GOODNESS!

However, I will admit I really miss all the cuddling and waking up to her sweet face each morning.

Naps during the day...now, that's another story. Yesterday was tough. Lots of crying. :( Not a lot of daytime sleeping. Today has been better. She went down for her morning nap with less than 5 minutes of crying, and slept for about an hour and a half. Here she is...apparently she is a side sleeper!

This afternoon she went down around 3:30pm, easily, and awoke around 4pm. I'm letting her fuss a bit now, and hoping she'll go back to sleep...we'll see...

I have always been pretty consistent with Madison's bedtime, so I attribute that to her being able to sleep at night so well. Her naps have never been super consistent, so I think that's why we're struggling a bit more. I'm trying now to get her on a better napping schedule to help her sleep better during the days.

It's still horrible listening to her cry during the day, and there are still moments I feel like I made the wrong decision. I'm probably going to gain 10 lbs. in the meantime, because for some reason, I feel like eating a ding dong while she's crying will magically help her go to sleep. Yes, I am cursing Josh for stopping at the Hostess Bakery Outlet, and cursing myself for having no will power. Geesh!

But honestly, right now, I do feel like she's improving. So, for now...we'll continue.

CIO

Ready for a super honest, long, rambling, whiny post?! If not, skip this one...my feelings won't be hurt. :)

C - I - O

Cry It Out

Before I was a parent, I would have had no idea what these three letters represented. I would have had no idea who Ferber was, who the Baby Whisperer was, or who Dr. Sears was. But, for the last month or so, baby sleep is something I've thought about, googled, pondered, researched, and debated on an almost daily basis.

Madison's New Year's Resolution - aka My New Year's Resolution for 2011 is for baby Madison to learn to soothe herself and do all her sleeping in her crib.

Since Madison's been born, I've had the luxury of being with her every single day, for every single nap, and for every single need. We easily fell into the habit of her co-sleeping with us every night, and for me to rock, bounce, walk her to sleep and then hold her for 30-90 minutes for every single nap when we're home. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it?!

When she was a newborn, it was easy and I expected to hold her a lot. I still don't believe you can hold a newborn or spoil a baby by holding them too much for the first 3-4 months. However, for the past 2-3 weeks, getting Madison to sleep has become...well, I'll be honest...a huge drain on me, and on her.

She is almost 20 pounds. I am physically exhausted from always holding her. She is getting much stronger and squirmier, and I've almost dropped her a couple times when she's gotten really upset. I haven't been getting enough sleep. I'm always tired...and irritable. That's no fun. I don't feel like I'm being a good Mom either when I'm so cranky.

I am mentally exhausted from thinking (both rationally and irrationally) about all this, too.

On a daily basis I:

-google and read about sleep methods and strategies for babies

-worry about her losing trust in me if I don't respond to her crying

-worry about her never being able to soothe herself, and becoming a "bad sleeper"

-worry about her quality of sleep (we both wake each other up multiple times each night)

-wish I had more "me time" to get back to working out, organizing my new house, scrapbooking, blogging, etc.

-wish I had more time for Josh...I spend SO much time getting her to sleep or sleeping with her that Josh and I practically lead separate lives once 9pm rolls around

-feel extremely guilty for wanting more "me time"

-feel guilty for putting my relationship with Josh on the back burner

-worry that by letting her CIO I am going to cause of damage to her physically

-worry that she will somehow remember this and she will hate me forever

I could go on...and on, and on, and on.... I'm so thankful for Josh. He hears this stuff all the time and continues to listen to me. How lucky am I?

Anyways, after a loooong conversation with Josh, we decided to start letting Madison CIO for naps and at bed time. I know I really need his support. I want to run in, scoop her up and cuddle her after about 30 seconds of hearing her cry. (I'll be clear though, I also really want her to sleep in her crib.) We also talked about how once we decided to start it we had to be consistent.

We started yesterday. We were both at our wits end, and, Josh has more time to be up late and be supportive and help me at night for these next few days.

We are letting her cry, but checking on her every 5 minutes in the beginning, and then every 10 minutes. We are soothing her by patting her and shhh-ing her, but not picking her up. During the day, we are not letting her cry for more than an hour. If she does, we just pick her up and go on with her day.

Yesterday we started at her afternoon nap. No luck. She cried for an hour and would not sleep. :( My heart ached. I felt like I was abandoning her. When I would go in to soothe her, at first she would smile, then when she realized I wasn't picking her up, she'd cry. Then I'd cry. :( Josh took over after that. She didn't sleep, so we got her up.

For her evening nap, she cried again for an hour. Josh got her up, she immediately fell asleep in his arms. We put her back in the crib. She awoke and cried for about 20 minutes, then slept for 2.5 hours! Success!

She woke up around 11pm and I fed her. Then, she seemed pretty awake, so we let her stay up for about 30 minutes. We rang in the New Year...then, back to her crib (she started rubbing her eyes...a sign she is tired).

Happy 2011!

She cried and slept on and off for about 2 hours, then she finally fell asleep around 2:30am for 2.5 hours. She woke at 5am, I fed her, and put her straight back in her crib. She only cried for about 1 minute, and then slept again until 9am...3.5 hours!! When she woke this morning, she was happy.

I know I also need to get her on a better schedule. We had a great schedule going, but with moving and the holidays, everything has been a bit off. So, right now we're first working on getting her to sleep in her crib and then working to getting her back to her schedule. I believe a schedule will help her with sleeping, too. She does have a bedtime routine, so we're continuing with that of course.

Here's to day 2. I know it will take more than 1 day. My goal right now is to stick to it for at least 3 days. And, to continue as long as I'm seeing an improvement. I don't believe CIO is for every baby or for every family. So, if I don't feel it's "working" I won't continue it. Also, I hope you don't think I'm a monster for letting her CIO. And, if you do, that's ok really...I kind of feel like one. :(

Whew. If you're still reading...kudos to you! I'm kind of exhausted just from proof reading it. I'm also kind of hesitant to post this...maybe I'm being too honest and sharing too much?! Oh well...

Oh, and I know I have some preggo readers, and future preggo readers...sorry if my ramblings scared the crap out of you. :)

Happy 2011!

Looooong Update!

I can't believe Madison is already 6.5 weeks old!

This may be somewhat of a boring post, and is probably more for me than my readers in some ways, so sorry! I just wanted to document some things while I remember them!

Here is a picture of her from yesterday morning...in her car seat. She hates her car seat, and she promptly started screaming after I took this photo. We were on our way to Hy-Vee for some grocery shopping. Luckily she settles down a bit once the car (or cart in the store) is in motion.

Anyways, I thought I'd touch on a few baby choices we've made in caring for Madison. I know I don't know everything, and I'm sure we're making some "mistakes." I'm just doing what we think is best for Madison.

*I am open to comments/suggestions/feedback/questions.*

Feeding

So far I've managed to stick with breastfeeding. The first 3 weeks were horrible. I'm not going to lie. I had two major breakdowns about it. I'm also not going to go into details (on the blog anyways). But, things are much better, and I'm really glad I stuck with it. I plan to continue nursing until she is at least 6 months old.

Pacifier

Before Madison, I was always against using a pacifier. And, once I started breastfeeding it's recommended you wait anyways. However, we (Josh) occasionally give one to her if she's really upset. I decided I'd rather have a calm baby than a screaming stressed out baby if I'm not around. I also take one with me when we're out...like yesterday at the grocery store. So, I'd say I've compromised on the pacifier issue and only use it in emergency situations.

Sleeping

I'll admit it. We are currently doing something I thought I'd never do, and I can't believe I'm doing it. As of the past 2-ish weeks, we are co-sleeping. Madison sleeps next to me in bed during the night. I know that this can't happen for forever, but after trying it once (at Josh's suggestion) and managing to sleep with her for 4 hours straight, I was hooked, that is on getting decent sleep again. I did some research on-line though, and am comfortable with our decision on letting her sleep (safely of course) in our bed with us for now.

I'm currently researching how to transition her to her crib, and my goal is to have her sleeping in her crib by 12 weeks. I know it will not be easy...for her or me.

Right now, she falls asleep in my arms. She likes to be walked/bounced around to be put to sleep. Sometimes she likes to be rocked. She'll sometimes stay in her swing or bouncer after falling asleep, but will wake almost immediately if laid in her crib or bassinet.

Even with all this talk about her sleeping habits and feeling like I've been slacking on working her into better sleep habits, I still remind myself she is only 6.5 weeks old! It may be how I justify things now, but I know I'll only be able to hold her in my arms and watch her sleep for so long before she is too big, so I try to enjoy those moments now.

(After a bath.)

Schedule

Of course I'm interested in scheduling my baby's day!!! Usually she goes 3-4 hours between feedings. So, she eats for 30-45 minutes, then has awake time for 30 minutes-1 hr., and then naps for 1.5-2 hrs. before repeating the cycle again. After her "late" feeding around 10pm, we'll go to bed, and she'll not wake until 3 or 4am for her early morning feeding. After that feeding, we go back to bed until 7 or 8am before we start our day.

More About Madison

Madison is very alert during her awake time, and I love being with her as she is learning about the world around her. She will lay and watch her mobile in her crib and/or play on her play mat for a good 10-15 minutes (depending on her mood) at a time.

She'll humor me for about 5-10 minutes during tummy time until she gets frustrated and starts crying. Yesterday she ALMOST rolled over!! At least, she got onto her side and was kicking her legs, she just couldn't make it quite all the way over.

She loves looking at the lights. She loves staring at our wall hangings in our family room.

She's able to make really solid eye contact now. She'll smile at you, and sometimes laugh. She sometimes coo's at you, and it seems as if she really wants to talk but just can't find the words. She loves sticking out her tongue.

She's got a great grip, and loves grabbing Mommy's hair. Last week she grabbed her own hair and screamed so loud because she couldn't figure out how to let go and was pulling her own hair! Poor girl!

(In an outfit from Great G'ma Bev.)

I'm so proud to be Madison's Mommy, and Josh is without a doubt a fantastic Daddy. Parenthood is more than I could have ever imagined.

Wow! This is LONG! If you've made it to the end, congratulations, and thanks for reading!! If you didn't read it all (don't worry...I don't blame ya) and just checked out the cute pics, thanks for that, too! :)