Cry It Out
Before I was a parent, I would have had no idea what these three letters represented. I would have had no idea who Ferber was, who the Baby Whisperer was, or who Dr. Sears was. But, for the last month or so, baby sleep is something I've thought about, googled, pondered, researched, and debated on an almost daily basis.
Madison's New Year's Resolution - aka My New Year's Resolution for 2011 is for baby Madison to learn to soothe herself and do all her sleeping in her crib.
Since Madison's been born, I've had the luxury of being with her every single day, for every single nap, and for every single need. We easily fell into the habit of her co-sleeping with us every night, and for me to rock, bounce, walk her to sleep and then hold her for 30-90 minutes for every single nap when we're home. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it?!
When she was a newborn, it was easy and I expected to hold her a lot. I still don't believe you can hold a newborn or spoil a baby by holding them too much for the first 3-4 months. However, for the past 2-3 weeks, getting Madison to sleep has become...well, I'll be honest...a huge drain on me, and on her.
She is almost 20 pounds. I am physically exhausted from always holding her. She is getting much stronger and squirmier, and I've almost dropped her a couple times when she's gotten really upset. I haven't been getting enough sleep. I'm always tired...and irritable. That's no fun. I don't feel like I'm being a good Mom either when I'm so cranky.
I am mentally exhausted from thinking (both rationally and irrationally) about all this, too.
On a daily basis I:
-google and read about sleep methods and strategies for babies
-worry about her losing trust in me if I don't respond to her crying
-worry about her never being able to soothe herself, and becoming a "bad sleeper"
-worry about her quality of sleep (we both wake each other up multiple times each night)
-wish I had more "me time" to get back to working out, organizing my new house, scrapbooking, blogging, etc.
-wish I had more time for Josh...I spend SO much time getting her to sleep or sleeping with her that Josh and I practically lead separate lives once 9pm rolls around
-feel extremely guilty for wanting more "me time"
-feel guilty for putting my relationship with Josh on the back burner
-worry that by letting her CIO I am going to cause of damage to her physically
-worry that she will somehow remember this and she will hate me forever
I could go on...and on, and on, and on.... I'm so thankful for Josh. He hears this stuff all the time and continues to listen to me. How lucky am I?
Anyways, after a loooong conversation with Josh, we decided to start letting Madison CIO for naps and at bed time. I know I really need his support. I want to run in, scoop her up and cuddle her after about 30 seconds of hearing her cry. (I'll be clear though, I also really want her to sleep in her crib.) We also talked about how once we decided to start it we had to be consistent.
We started yesterday. We were both at our wits end, and, Josh has more time to be up late and be supportive and help me at night for these next few days.
We are letting her cry, but checking on her every 5 minutes in the beginning, and then every 10 minutes. We are soothing her by patting her and shhh-ing her, but not picking her up. During the day, we are not letting her cry for more than an hour. If she does, we just pick her up and go on with her day.
Yesterday we started at her afternoon nap. No luck. She cried for an hour and would not sleep. :( My heart ached. I felt like I was abandoning her. When I would go in to soothe her, at first she would smile, then when she realized I wasn't picking her up, she'd cry. Then I'd cry. :( Josh took over after that. She didn't sleep, so we got her up.
For her evening nap, she cried again for an hour. Josh got her up, she immediately fell asleep in his arms. We put her back in the crib. She awoke and cried for about 20 minutes, then slept for 2.5 hours! Success!
She woke up around 11pm and I fed her. Then, she seemed pretty awake, so we let her stay up for about 30 minutes. We rang in the New Year...then, back to her crib (she started rubbing her eyes...a sign she is tired).
Happy 2011!
She cried and slept on and off for about 2 hours, then she finally fell asleep around 2:30am for 2.5 hours. She woke at 5am, I fed her, and put her straight back in her crib. She only cried for about 1 minute, and then slept again until 9am...3.5 hours!! When she woke this morning, she was happy.
I know I also need to get her on a better schedule. We had a great schedule going, but with moving and the holidays, everything has been a bit off. So, right now we're first working on getting her to sleep in her crib and then working to getting her back to her schedule. I believe a schedule will help her with sleeping, too. She does have a bedtime routine, so we're continuing with that of course.
Here's to day 2. I know it will take more than 1 day. My goal right now is to stick to it for at least 3 days. And, to continue as long as I'm seeing an improvement. I don't believe CIO is for every baby or for every family. So, if I don't feel it's "working" I won't continue it. Also, I hope you don't think I'm a monster for letting her CIO. And, if you do, that's ok really...I kind of feel like one. :(
Whew. If you're still reading...kudos to you! I'm kind of exhausted just from proof reading it. I'm also kind of hesitant to post this...maybe I'm being too honest and sharing too much?! Oh well...
Oh, and I know I have some preggo readers, and future preggo readers...sorry if my ramblings scared the crap out of you. :)
Happy 2011!
Megan you are doing Awesome! You should be proud of yourself for recognizing the issue and wanting to fix it. It is NOT selfish for you to want a little time to yourself and for Josh too. So many people forget that. That is what helps you be a good/sane mommy. And HUGE kudos for you and Josh working together on it!! Madison is lucky to have you both. And honestly, and maybe this is me sharing too much. But that is the kind of relationship I hope to find someday.
ReplyDeleteYou should not feel like a monster for helping your baby sleep in her own bed. In my opinion, and I'm not a mom so take it for what it is worth, you are NOT a monster and are doing the right thing. You certainly don't want a 3, 5, 7 year old in your bad that can't get to sleep without you.
I admire you and your strength and courage to share your struggles.