Mommy's Turn to CIO

I have a confession.

I like cuddling/walking/rocking my babe to sleep.

I stare down at her beautiful little face while she so peacefully enters dream land, sometimes smiling, sometimes furrowing her eyebrows, sometimes cuddling more into my shoulder or chest, sometimes with her mouth open...you get the idea. I study her face, the shape of her eyes and mouth, and I silently tell her how wonderful she is, and how smart she'll be, and how her Daddy and I will always be there for her, and I dream with her about all the things she'll experience in life and how we will do anything and everything to ensure she has a happy and healthy.

Well, let me re-phrase. I like that moment at 8pm, when it lasts about 10 minutes or so...not so much at 1, 2, 3, or 4 in the morning...then, I'm thinking other things and it lasts much longer than 10 minutes.

I've been weak these past few weeks.

And, I've paid for it the past couple nights when all M wanted to do was to sleep on my chest while I held her. The other night we were up 2 hours (3:30-5:30am), me holding her, her falling asleep, me putting her in her crib, her waking immediately, and repeat. (For whatever reason, she goes down great for naps and at her bedtime...it's just that pesky middle of the night waking that's getting us, and I don't want it to progress....)

After all the work we did to help Madison learn to sleep in her crib AND to fall asleep on her own, I've started to regress. Yes, I say ME. I've given in too easily. I know she knows how to fall asleep on her own, because some nights she sleeps 11 hours straight.

She looks so innocent here...

Seeing this picture reminds me I should remove her crib mobile...little baby growing up so fast!

So, for the past few nights, we've had to let her fuss after her feeding until she falls back asleep. I don't know why I've saying "we." It should be "I." Somehow Josh manages to sleep through her fussing (so he says) while I'm slowing dying inside while attempting to send her sleepy thoughts and silently begging for her to just give in and to forgive Mommy for ignoring her pathetic cries.

It's sad. But, I know it's what's best for her. Sunday and Monday she fussed for about 30 minutes before finally falling asleep.

But, last night, it was only 5 minutes.

Thank goodness!