This last year has been a roller coaster of events and emotions for my family and me. Thankfully, the highs have been higher and more plentiful than the lows. (Although, there are lows, don't get me wrong. We'll save those for another post someday.)
Everyone keeps asking me how the last year has went. And yes, much of it was simple survival, especially in the beginning. As a family with triplets, we will always navigate life a little different than most, and many may not fully understand everything our family goes through on a daily basis, but I love my family with all that I am, and when I think of our future together, I get all warm and happy inside in anticipation of what's to come for us all.
However, I finally put my finger on exactly why, deep inside my heart, I am also feeling so much sadness as I think about my babies' first year of life.
It's simple really.
*Their firsts are my lasts.*
Tucker just started really walking/wobbling around this week. As I watch him with his arms in the air like Frankenstein for balance, and a huge smile on his face, I realize he is my last baby that I will excitedly encourage as he takes tentative steps towards me. As I watch my sweet Cooper clap and bring his tiny hands together with a huge smile on his angelic face, I realize he is my last baby I'll cheer on and act like mountains just moved because he learned to clap. And, as I wait in anticipation for Carter to say, "Mama," I realize once he says it - that'll be it. He'll be my last baby to learn to call my name for the first time.
Our family is complete. Our hearts are FULL, our house is FULL, and our bank account is EMPTY. lol. We are so incredibly grateful for all our children, however, we have decided our family is complete. I will not have another newborn to rock to sleep. I will not anxiously await for another baby to get their first tooth, and then scramble for my camera to get a picture of their tiny tooth poking through. I will not fake sneeze for 10 minutes straight in attempt to get my baby to show off their toothy smile for their one year photos. No more. I've done those things for the last time in my life.
And, honestly, I know it's okay. I accept that. I am so dang happy to be their Mother. I know how fortunate I am to have all these firsts with all four of our beautiful children. (I still think about my miscarriage here and there. I know that's part of my history as a Mother, too, and I won't ever forget that dark chapter in my life.) I'm just a li'l sad as I realize I will not be pregnant again. The anticipation of growing my family and welcoming a new baby to the world is indescribable and beautiful, and while I'm grateful to have that experience. I'm also learning to accept that that chapter of my life is now complete.
I write this post on the eve of my babies' first birthday. Tomorrow (and Sunday) we celebrate my boys turning one. My last big one-year birthday party I'll plan and drive Josh crazy about - I think Josh is glad about that anyways. Haha.
Happy (1 day early) Birthday to
Cooper, Tucker, and Carter.
Cooper, Tucker, and Carter.
Their first picture ever.
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