"Good Slant" ... (Whaaaat?)

Interesting Lunch Experience

Random woman: "What nationality are you?" (while oogling Madison)

Me: "I'm Korean."

Random woman: "She's got a good slant to her eyes." (She meant this as a compliment.)

...loooooong awkward pause from Josh and me...

Me: "Um, thanks."

She was sitting behind us at the restaurant, so after the "good slant" comment, Josh and I couldn't really debrief. Anyways, later when we were leaving, she shared that she was half-Japanese and was adopted. Was this supposed to make this less awkward...because it didn't. Her mullet didn't make it less awkward either. I digress...

So, I've gotten the first question from strangers a lot, so I'm used to random people asking me that. (Although, I still do find it kind of rude in certain situations. I have never walked up to a random White person and asked what are you? But, whatev. I'm used to it.) It's happened more times than I can count, and it's definitely not the worse thing that's ever happened to me regarding being Korean.

But, when someone offends my daughter (now, I know she didn't know what was going on, but I flash-forwarded to the day where she will)...that brought on a flood of emotion...sadness really...an immediate reminder that someday Madison will likely be made fun, or be made to feel uncomfortable due to being half-Asian. I'm so quickly reminded that I can't protect her from everything. It hurts, and it scares me. Many times people are not intentionally trying to make me (or will try and make her) feel uncomfortable, but the impact is all the same.

It's a great lesson...intent versus impact. I learned about this when I worked at the University of Minnesota through Social Justice training and retreats.

Intent versus Impact

Example: You are in a crowded subway and someone accidentally steps on your toe. You know they didn't mean for it to hurt, they didn't intentionally step on your foot, however, it still hurts all the same.

*Even though it was unintentional, it still hurts. Make sense?*

It's ok if you think I'm making a big deal out of this. But I've always been very self-conscious about the shape of my eyes. As this women said "good slant," she unknowingly unleashed images into my head of Madison being cornered by kids pulling their eyes back and screaming, "ching-chong-chang," and kids asking Madison why her eyes look different...etc.

Now, I understand the world is progressing and I truly hope she never experiences these situations (as I have), but you never know. And, as a parent, I want to do all I can to always protect her and keep her from ever feeling any hurt or shame regarding her Asian genetics.

I also realize I can never protect her from everything, and it makes me think about how I'll want to teach her to handle these kind of situations and herself. To make sure she is confident, educated, kind, and forgiving. To be a good role model for her. To make sure she can talk to me if she's put in uncomfortable situations.

Sorry for the deep and kind of depressing post.

Just had a lot on my mind.

Thanks for listening!

Love this little girl!